I hate going on Facebook.
I see how normal all 10 of my "friends" are. I see how much fun they are having. I want to wish them all happiness.

And I feel jealous.

Is it just that every 1 in 25 people are abnormal? Am I a 1 of 25?

I'm struggling to not let go of something I shouldn't be holding.

How do you know when someone wants you to leave them alone?

Is it when they leave you?
Is it when they let you leave?
Is it when they never speak to you?
Is it when they never speak of you?
Is it when it seems like you never existed to them, and that everything that happened was just a short dream?

And lastly, how do you know when someone hates you?

I’d love to know what to do when you’re dying to say something, say anything, to them.

Do you keep your mouth shut and hope they have forgotten?
Or do you try to reach them and pray that they still feel something?

those haunting words...

And the things I wanted so badly for her to share. And how my arms were always open. And how I was never the one she wanted. And how it always hurt so badly. And how selfish and unselfish it was.

And I believe everything happens for a reason; but I cannot think of any good reason for all our pain.

And how I am so sorry.

I am glad I am not in love.

I wish I was in love.

The statement looks pretty and symmetrical.

Regardless, it is stupid for me to wish, because being in love is painful. I just miss those moments of getting a call or text and squealing. Rolling across the floor happily, after a nice evening or day together.

I miss that.

But I do not miss the nights rolling across the bed crying. Or those moments of waiting all day and night for a call or text or something just to know they're still thinking of you. Being in love can be nice, nevertheless, it is stupid for me to wish.

Conceptual paradox.